Twenty Miles with a Cherry on Top

I have not blogged about it much, but I have not been in the best place with running. Frankly, I was almost thankful for our "moving weekends" because it got me out of some runs. I have often heard that endurance running is about 80% mental (and maybe even more). I suppose that I have always known this; the White Rock Marathon was actually fun for me because I was in such a good place mentally -- committed to enjoying the race while raising money for Texas Scottish Rite Hospital, which means so much to me.

I am sure the negative attitude is a combination of several things that have raised my stress level -- being busy at work, paying rent and a mortgage, losing my precious dog back in March -- and that left me in a somewhat negative state of mind. Our weekend in Amarillo before the movers came was long, and we didn't get our scheduled 12-miler in. We decided to do the 12-miler on Monday after work. All of my negativity columated in this run. I was in a bad place. My stomach hurt, but I have done several long runs with a stomach ache and I have come out on the other side with a positive attitude. The problem with this particular 12-miler was that I went into it with a negative attitude. I was feeling sorry for myself -- I was tired from the traveling and moving, not to mention stiff from 12 hours in the car. However, looking back, David had the same weekend as me but went into the run with a positive attitude. What a difference an attitude can make. I struggled inside for 6 miles; when we hit the 6 mile turn around point, my emotions came flooding out. I started to walk. And walk. And walk. I felt sorry for myself. I walked and felt sorry for myself some more. It's amazing how much longer it takes to walk 6 miles than to run it. I was so negative. Honestly, my stomach did really hurt, but I am sure my head contributed to that. David tried to motivate me, but I wasn't having it. I run-walked those six miles, and ended up finishing the "run" in over three hours in the dark. I was convinced that the 12-miler was my last run ever. Forget skipping the marathon, I was planning on skipping runs for the rest of my life.

I did some soul-searching during the week after this run. What's the deal? Am I done with running? Is running done with me? I tried to work on my attitude all week. Mid-week I started to realize that I was treating running just like another chore, like moving from Amarillo, picking up milk from the grocery store, or cleaning a toilet. It was one of those things that I did not want to do but felt obligated to get done. At other times in my life when I was in a much more positive place, running was not a chore. It was my escape from chores, my way to get away. For the past few months, running has not been an escape for me.

Obviously, I was very concerned following the twelve-mile run, considering that our twenty-miler had to be completed last Sunday. We'd already postponed it for a week, and we had to get this run in to be ready for the marathon. While we were in Amarillo preparing for the move, I realized that this twenty-miler could either be an accomplishment or a chore. Since I have always heard that running has a major mental requirement, I decided to be positive. I decided to force myself to be positive. I even watched The Spirit of the Marathon on the iPhone on the drive from Amarillo to Fort Worth on Saturday night to try to motivate myself. The next morning, on the drive out to the trails, David asked me if I was looking forward to our 20-mile adventure. Normally (at least for the last couple of months), I would have complained (and, honestly, I wanted to) but I did not complain. I just said yes, I was looking forward to getting my miles in and doing our last long run.

Can I tell you? The run definitely wasn't easy. In fact, it was tough. But it was positive. We got through it together. I made myself acknowledge the beautiful weather, be thankful that I have a husband who is still running with me even though I have had a horrible attitude, and be proud that I had committed to and trained for my second marathon. Although I hate saying I had to force myself to be positive, I realized that I have a choice to be positive and make the best of my situation. Running has been such a positive aspect of my life over the last few years, and I intend to keep it that way. If I can make myself mentally tough and positive and get through a 20-miler, I can probably do this in other areas of my life, too.

When I walked into my office on Monday morning after our 20-miler, there was a package on my desk. I opened it up, and it contained the coolest New Balance running jacket monogrammed with the White Rock Marathon logo. Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children sent it to me for raising money for the 2008 race. What awesome timing! It was a cherry on top of a positive 20-miler, and motivation to train for and raise money for the hospital again in the 2009 White Rock Marathon.